Title: The Euphorizine Days of Summer Tour
Fandoms: The Office RPF/fake news RPF/Arrested Development
Rating: PG
Length: 2000 words
Disclaimer: This is extremely fictional, and should be taken as such. No libel is intended!
Summary: Three awesome fandoms, if they were bands and touring together and some of them were real people while others were fictional. I don't know. I'd say it was very late, Jim, but it was actually like 2 pm.
AN: For imogenics and kyrafic. Apparently 3 fans + 2 hours + 41 emails = 1 crossover band AU? More vignettes in this universe to follow? Also, this is for this week's Nothing Hip challenge (prompt: "3 am" by Matchbox 20).
The Euphorizine Days of Summer Tour
by
***
The rehearsal is going badly. Rainn can't find his glockenspiel or his hurdy gurdy, even though Steve saw them get loaded onto the truck; John's incredibly low energy, as though he's just woken up from a nap – which, in fact, he has. Angela's rhythmic tap-dancing can't find the beat; and Rashida's harp is about a half step sharp.
"Didn't you tune that thing before we started?" John says, as they pause one more time in the middle for her to get out her tuning key. Somewhere backstage, Rainn's crashing around and swearing.
Rashida makes a face and quickly moves two pedals with her foot, plays a major fifth. "Twice," she says. "Sorry. The truck's hot and it's air-conditioned in here, so it's gonna keep sliding out of tune for another couple hours until it adjusts."
"Awesome," John says in a very sarcastic voice, and Rashida gives him the finger, the tuning key in her mouth as she plucks octaves, listening.
BJ idly plays the bass line to Green Day's "When I Come Around" and Creed jumps in with the guitar for a couple of bars before they both get bored and trail off in a cacophony of notes. On stage left, Jenna, Mindy and Melora are practicing their synchronized back-up dance moves behind Jenna's keyboard. "Keep it foxy, you guys!" Mindy's saying. Paul's sitting back with his legs crossed, not messing with his theremin at all, looking bored.
"Okay!" Rashida says finally, running her finger up the harp in a glissando. "Better."
Mindy, Jenna and Angela clap. This is Rashida's first tour with Threat Level Midnight, and tonight's the first show of the tour, Philadelphia. If they can get through rehearsal.
"All right!" John says, grabbing the mic and turning back to look at Steve. John's wearing a too-tight green t-shirt advertising Newton Little League, a cardigan and a fedora, and looks vaguely ridiculous. "Count us off, Carell!"
Steve beats his drumsticks together and counts them into what turns out to be a very shaky rendition of "Swaying Isn't Dancing." Rainn comes running in with the newly found glockenspiel just in time for his cue, though, so that's something.
As John's asking for more guitar on the monitors, Steve happens to glance towards the back of the room and sees Stephen Colbert leaning against the wall, smirking vaguely at the chaos on stage. When Steve catches his eye, Stephen raises one hand in a little wave. They haven't seen each other in over a year.
**
When Threat Level Midnight finishes up their rehearsal/sound check, Jon and Stephen are in the wings, waiting for their own.
"Young Steve Carell!" Jon says, as Steve comes out from behind the drum set. He's beaming and catches Steve in a hug, thumping his back. "Good to see you, sir."
"Jonathan," Steve says, and can't help grinning himself.
Stephen's behind Jon, smiling a little more sardonically. "Hey man," he says. "We've missed you since you quit the band to join the fucking Polyphonic Spree."
Brian and Rainn walk past at that moment, carrying an accordion and a hammered dulcimer, respectively, and Steve laughs.
"Yeah, yeah," Steve says. "How's the blue-eyed soul treating you boys?"
"Excellent as ever," Stephen says. He and Jon haven't changed into the suits they perform in yet, and his navy polo shirt is carelessly rumpled so the collar's sticking up on one side. Jon's in the same gray t-shirt and ball cap he always wears.
The sound guy's watching them a little impatiently, and Jon catches it. "Hey, we gotta do sound check, but do you wanna get drinks after the show?"
"Yeah," Steve says. "Definitely."
As he's making his way backstage, he hears the two of them start a duet of "America, the Beautiful." They still sound good. Not that that's a surprise, it's just strange they sound the same when so much is different.
He goes to dinner at the Red Lobster across the street with most of Threat Level Midnight. Not Creed; no one really knows what or when Creed eats.
Right after they sit down at their table, Krasinski signs three autographs for some girls who definitely aren't old enough to drive. It's not that unusual, since there are message boards devoted to Krasinski's arm hair, practically, but it's funny. The hazards of being the lead singer. When he sits back down at the table, Ed and BJ are snickering and John makes a face at them. "Shut up," he says.
"What?" BJ says. "I didn't say anything."
Paul's sitting next to Steve. "So, is it going to be weird, touring with your old band all summer?"
"Nah," Steve says. "They're just another band on the tour. I mean, is it going to be weird touring with Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution?"
"Yeah, maybe," Paul says.
That catches Steve by surprise, and he laughs. "Yeah, maybe," he repeats, and takes a sip of Diet Coke. "Maybe." The Natural Life Food Company's sponsoring them in the Euphorizine Days of Summer tour, and Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution is there to hawk the products. Stewart and Colbert can't be thrilled about that either, but Steve guesses they all need the money.
Everybody's always filled with nervous energy before the first couple shows of a tour, until travel exhaustion and habit knock it out of them, and tonight's no exception. Everyone's twitchy and talking too loud, and John can't sit still, keeps jumping up and going around to another part of the table to talk to BJ, to talk to Jenna. Rainn finishes his water and turns the plastic glass upside down, starts beating out the rhythm to "Flonkerton." Oscar picks up two spoons, his own and Brian's, and joins the beat. Within ten seconds, Melora's singing with Mindy doing harmony, and Brian's beatboxing, and BJ's rolling his eyes.
When they finish out the song, there is a smattering of applause from one or two other Red Lobster patrons, and the manager politely asks them to leave. It's okay – they're done with their meal anyway.
**
The show goes better than Steve was expecting, but that happens sometimes, that a lousy rehearsal means a pretty good performance. Before their set starts, he watches their openers from the back of the room, telling himself it's to get the lay of the land. Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution is made up of way too many people, who are all related to each other in what seem like complicated ways. One of them has a hook for a hand, and none of them seem quite used to it yet. They sing weird folksy pharmaceutical commercials, and the audience isn't too into it.
For their set, Jon and Stephen sit on stools, in matching blazers with the sleeves rolled up, and look as comfortable out there performing as they ever did. "How's everybody doing tonight?" Jon says as Colbert gets out his guitar. "I'm Jon Stewart, and we've got a great show for you this evening." They've changed the arrangements of the songs from trios to duets – Steve can still feel where his part used to go, an empty baritone space in the middle.
**
Steve has to help load up the truck after the show, but then goes to meet Jon and Stephen at the dive bar across the street. He's the only one there from Threat Level Midnight – everybody else either went to get late-night breakfast at Denny's, or back to the motel, or to the classier bar two blocks down.
Jon and Stephen are in the back in their shirt sleeves with their ties loosened. Jon's smoking – apparently this is the one bar in America where that's still allowed. At first it's a little weird to be hanging out again after so long, but after a couple of drinks, they're reminiscing like no time's passed.
"Remember that time in Madison," Stephen starts, and Steve coughs on his beer. He and Stephen were in their first band together, based out of Chicago when they were in their 20s, and there are a lot of stories.
"Oh, God, Madison," he manages. "Where did Paul find the sheep? Did anyone ever get him to tell?"
Jon rolls his eyes. "I hate when you guys do this. Fucking Second City."
"Shut up, Jon," Stephen says, but then seems to get distracted by something happening behind Steve, at the bar.
"What?" Steve says, turning to look. At the bar it looks like the two kids from Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution are trying to order some drinks. "Hey, isn't that...?"
"Looks that way," Stephen says. Jon giggles incredulously. The bartender is actually serving them, even though the kids can't be more than 15. The boy – Steve thinks his name is George Michael – looks really nervous. After they get their drinks, George Michael turns to look for a table but starts when he sees Jon, Stephen and Steve all staring at them. He grabs the girl's arm and they have what looks like a furious whispered conversation, throwing lots of looks in Jon, Stephen and Steve's direction.
Finally, Stephen starts waving them over to their table, and the girl shakes George Michael off to come. George Michael follows warily.
"Aren't you kids a little young for a bar?" Stephen says when they get close enough.
The girl – Maeby? – beams at him. "Marry me!" she says.
"No, seriously," Jon says. "What'd you do, sneak out of the motel after your parents went to bed?"
"Yes," George Michael says, dejected. "I'm really sorry, we won't do it again, I promise!"
"George Michael!" Maeby hisses, and elbows him in the stomach.
Jon laughs. "Sit down, delinquents." He kicks a couple chairs out for them. "What're you drinking?"
"Ginger ale," George Michael says.
"A virgin daiquiri," Maeby says. "And I am *not* trading it in for something non-alcoholic."
Steve laughs. "Fair enough. We'll even buy your next round."
"Sweet!" Maeby says. "You seem cool, for old guys."
"Thank you very much," Stephen says.
They actually seem like pretty nice kids, once you get them talking. George Michael has a lot of questions for Steve about being a percussionist, but Maeby just rolls her eyes and tries to get Jon to tell her what the craziest thing he's ever seen on tour has been.
"Anything cinematic," she says. "Like, I'm thinking That Thing You Do! meets Almost Famous."
"How old do you think I *am*?" Jon says.
"I don't know," Maeby says. "You have gray hair."
"That's a fair point," Stephen says.
"Fuck you," Jon says, but he's laughing, and then he asks Maeby how long she's been singing the medication side effects.
**
They get on the road before 8 the next morning. It's rainy and gray, and everyone's cranky from staying out too late the night before. Steve's putting his duffel bag into the bottom of the bus when George Michael and Maeby come walking by on the way to their van. They give him sleepy high fives. Jon and Stephen are across the parking lot, but they don't look over at him and Steve eventually has to stop loitering around and get on the bus.
Angela's asleep against Oscar's shoulder, and BJ and Mindy have staked out the long back row, their feet up on the seats blocking anyone else from going for it. Mindy's in pajama pants and glasses. BJ hasn't combed his hair.
John bought coffee for the whole band, and Ed's strumming his banjo quietly, and Jenna takes a picture of everyone with her digital camera before settling in the seat next to Steve. Out the window Steve can still see Jon and Stephen, who're now apparently bickering about who has to drive. Steve thinks it's weird that he can tell that from across a parking lot. Well, maybe not that weird, after years of tours, of that same fight nearly every morning. He watches Jon crankily grab the keys from Stephen and stomp over to the driver's seat and smiles. He really has missed them. The Funke family log cabin pulls out of the parking lot, blocking Steve's view, and the bus starts to follow them.
Maybe this is going to be a pretty great tour after all.
**
END